Meditations

So many trajedies have happened throughout our history and continue daily in our world. Each time something else happens, it will cause us to stop and take pause. Thinking about what we have, rather than what we don't. About not taking our lives for granted.

For many years I have worked with people who have been disatisfied with their lives. People who have come to me looking for a secret to finding their personal happiness. What I continue to learn - more so with each passing year - is the importance that our happiness comes from within each of us.

In my early 20's I spent so much of my time trying to please other people. Trying to do the "right" thing. Always more concerned about others' happiness over mine. What I realize now, one and a half decades later, is that internal happiness is what is contagious.

This makes me think back to one of the first times I met my good friend, Paul. The interesting thing about him was that everywhere we went he knew people. As the years progressed, and our friendship deepened, I learned that most of the people that Paul knew, he knew so much about them. And he always had something kind, complimentary or encouraging to say to them. This always amazed me. "How do you know that about them?" I'd ask. "I don't know. One time we got to talking, and they opened up to me. All I did was listen."

You see, Paul is the kind of person that other people want to be around. I know I do. I feel better when I am with him. He has a gift. He is positive. He is grounded. He knows who he is. I love reading and hearing stories of people's survival, their courage, but in this case, with someone so close to me who I've watch go through or re-live tragic events, I don't feel encouraged. Well not right away, anyway.

He survived two near death experiences, neither being remotely his fault, and continues to have faith. He has been mistreated, disrespected, and used and yet he continues to see the positive in all people. He doesn't feel spite. He doesn't ever want revenge. He is at peace with himself.

He amazes me.

"Why doesn't this infuriate you?" I'll ask.
"It does make me upset, but that person is already miserable that's why they are acting like this.

It is this peaceful belief that I try to hold on to. The belief that if people are acting miserably, it is because they themselves are that way. Don't catch it. Don't hang on to that anger. Don't pass it along.

This is the goal I work towards, that we should all work towards.

Don't Just Dream - DO IT!

5 Steps To Start Moving Your Career To Where You Want It To Be
by Beth Woodworth, M.S., Career Coach

How Many nights have you lain awake thinking about work? Not just how to solve problems or manage your projects, rather how to get away from it? Have you ever felt that you have so many talents, but none of them are being used at your job? Do you daydream about doing something completely different from what you are doing now?

Sometimes we hit a slump with our career and feel trapped. We feel like we are in a “dead-end” job. That job may pay a decent salary, you may know how to do it extremely well, and yet there is something unsatisfying, or even draining about it.

Do you find that you are asking yourself, “what if…?” Have you ever given your dream of a different career the respect to think about it thoroughly?

I spent many years thinking about the possibility of changing my life. I was stopped in my tracks when someone else said to me, “What are you actually DOING to make that change?” Wow. It was that simple question that pushed me to really doing it. I had no problem with talking on and on about it, but this was a “put your money where your mouth is” type of challenge.

This person happened to be my coach so I asked her, “What do I DO? HOW do I do it?” Her simple response was, “What exactly is it that you want to do?” Wow, again. Now she is asking me to actually name it and to say out loud what it is that I have kept in my imagination for all of these years.

I was lucky enough to have a career coach to help me through this process, but for those of you who do not I offer these simple steps to help you move your professional life to its next level.

1. Evaluate your current situation. Are you truly needing and wanting a change in your career? Are you simply fed up with your employer? Is this something that could be changed through negotiating your current situation? Could a lateral move within your company satisfy you? What about changing employers without changing occupations?

2. Evaluate yourself. What are your skills? Which of those do you want to use at work? What is important to you in your career; what are your work values? What type of business do you want to be in? What type of employer do you want to work for?

3. Determine what types of occupations match what you are interested and skilled in. Do these jobs meet your values? Do they pay enough income for you? Do you need to upgrade any skills or become completely retrained?

4. What are your options? Where are you willing to work? Are you willing to relocate? How far will you commute? Is working at home an option? What jobs are available in the geographical location you will work in?

5. How do you make it happen? Is this something you can pursue while you are working in your current job? What steps do you need to take to make this change happen? How much money do you need? What does it look like when you break it down into digestible, feasible steps?

Living out your dream could be scary because of so many unknowns, but the satisfaction that comes with actually doing it makes up for all of those fears. Good luck; Happy Dreaming and HAPPY DOING!

Finding Comfort in Chaos

Many of us have heard this before, but it is worth repeating. What we experience and feel when we go through job loss is very similar to what we feel when we experience the death of someone we love. We feel some of the very same emotions. We go through the same grieving process: experiencing denial/ shock, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Whether you choose to leave a job, lose it due to poor performance, or are laid off due to the economy, it is likely you might personalize the feelings, lowering your self esteem. This is a natural feeling since you have lost so many things: your daily routine, an activity (work) that serves a purpose, not to mention the loss of income, and sense of security.

One thing to keep in mind is that with difficult times comes opportunity for growth and renewal. The key to this strategy is to allow yourself to move through the different phases. Starting with a general awareness of how you are feeling. How did you react when you first learned that you will no longer be working with that business? Was it unbelievable? Were you angry? Did you try to negotiate to keep your position? It is also very common to deny, not just the job loss, but also the fact that you are even experiencing any of these emotions. It is common in our society to ignore our feelings, rather than embracing them and using them to move forward.

If you are planning to move right into another job, it is key to remember that what we feel on the inside, whether we admit to these feelings or not, comes through on the outside. In other words, our energy and attitude comes through when we speak. You might choose the right words, but your body language, intent, and tone all contribute to the message you portray as well.

I was once working with an Executive Director who lost his job due the politics of his Board of Directors. He was extremely knowledgeable and skilled, but could not move past any first interviews. We did some mock interview exercises. When asked about why he left his last position, he immediately turned red in the face and got an angry look in his eyes. While the words he chose were the “right” words, it was apparent that he had not dealt with how he felt regarding his dismissal. At this point we chose to address the emotion tied to his job loss. He stated that he had never acknowledged his hurt and angry feelings towards how his employment situation was handled by his Board of Directors. He explained to me that he had a lot of support from his wife, but said that they never talked about how he “felt” in regards to the company’s politics that caused his termination. Having people in your life you can support you and validate how you feel is critical to move on.

With just the realization that his emotions were apparent in our conversation, he was able to do some extensive reflecting on how he felt and what he can learn from what had happened. We practiced different ways to address that question in an interview, including the wording, body language, tone of voice and his physical state. After each of his next two interviews, he received job offers and is now happily employed again as a successful Executive Director.

While the process for this one person may seem simple, it is not always that easily resolved. We often feel frustration and anxiety during this transition. It is highly recommend finding some sort of physical activity where you can let off steam, and also increase your metabolism and endorphins. The endorphins of course, reduce the feeling of pain and allow us to feel a little happier. If you are stuck for activities, consider swimming, running, fast walking, bowling, gardening, sweeping/vacuuming, or bicycling.

Another stressor that comes with job transition is how it impacts, not just us, but those we are close to; our family. Children tend to be sensitive to what their adults are experiencing and are often a good source of support and positive distraction. It is a good practice to talk with your children (age appropriately) about what is happening regarding your work situation.

If finances are a critical part of your transitional period, it is important to see what money, benefits, or continuation of health insurance might be available to you from your previous employer. Unemployment insurance is also a good, temporary source of income. Some people have shared with me that they see it as a “handout” but something to remember is that it is insurance and just like other types of insurance, it is okay to utilize it for the purpose it is intended, that is to say to help make ends meet when we lose our job to no fault of our own. It is a good idea to be in contact with your creditors as they can typically make arrangements to help during this transition.

It is important to remember that this situation is temporary. Do not “punish” yourself. Allow yourself some enjoyment. Reward yourself when you accomplish a goal: an ice cream when you get your résumé updated, a night at the movies when you contact 10 businesses throughout the week, etc. This can be a time for opportunity; to start fresh. Life has many periods of change. This is another chance to start fresh; an opportunity waiting to happen. Joseph Campbell says, “We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” Now is your time.

Personal Change Management

What triggers change? Change happens for one of two reasons. We are pushed into it or pulled into it. When we are pushed into change it is because of external circumstances, things beyond our control; such as, layoff, divorce, or death of a loved one. Something happens that we do not have control over and we are forced to make a change. Often times when we are pushed to make a change, it happens suddenly and there is not a lot of time to prepare for it. Even when we do know that the change is inevitable, when it finally happens we may still feel like we are not quite ready for it.

On the flip-side, when we are pulled into change it is self-induced. It is something we want and are moving towards. We may initiate a career change, relocation or marriage. This does not necessarily make the transition any easier. Even though you initiated a change, you still have to make all sorts of adjustments in your life. While change can ultimately be productive and an improvement the adjustment could very well be painful.

How do you handle transition? The question then arises of how we handle the transition, whether we are pushed or pulled to change. When you are pushed to change suddenly, how do you react? Are you a “go with the flow” type of person or are you more comfortable in a predictable environment, always knowing what’s going to happen next? In order to answer how you find comfort in the middle of change, you may need to reflect back to other times in your life when you’ve made a change. Think about how you handled it then? What sparks your stress? What do you need to make that leap of faith in order to have a successful transition?

I am reminded of the movie Finding Nemo, where the lead characters are trapped in a whale’s mouth. They have to take a leap of faith and let go of the whale, follow the flow of water and trust that he will somehow escape. His friend Dory says, “It’s time to let go! Everything is going to be alright." Marlin replies, "How do you know? How do you know something bad isn't going to happen?" Dory matter-of-factly explains, "I don't."

What is your stress relief mechanism? Do you find that you need external encouragement to take that leap - Someone to bounce your ideas off of; someone who will be your personal cheerleader? Is your method something that happens when you isolate yourself and can be alone with your thoughts and work it through?

Kathy, an Executive Director of a private-non-profit, explains that she ikes to mow her lawn. It’s a physical work out that I can do from start to finish. I can see the progress and it provides beautiful results.” Kathy Garcia, the Business Manager of Business One Stop Services explains that she writes first thing in the morning to free up her mind and remove the clutter. This allows her to tap into the depths of her creativity. Other methods that have worked for people are a 20-minute nap, talking with someone who lifts your spirits, or a short brisk walk. Whether it is exercise or laughing through your favorite movie, the key is to release your endorphins. Those are the great chemicals in our brain that give us “make us happy” and give us a sense of well-being.

Leap of Faith. When Jennifer, a Human Resource Manager at a large, rural business had her 2nd child, she realized that she needed a change in her life. The problem, she explained later, is that “I didn’t know what that change needed to be. I knew I wanted to stop my 30 minute commute and that I wanted more time with my family, but also that I needed to work – not just financially, but for my soul.” In between the tearful nights and foggy days, she stumbled upon the website of a local career coach. She was unsure of what was involved, but took the online quiz to see if “coaching is right for [her]” and decided to go for it.

Jennifer reflects back to the emotional, uncomfortable moments throughout the 12-week coaching process, “No matter how uneasy I felt, I stayed committed to the process.” One of the things that Jennifer admits to why it was so successful for her was that she had a trusted person to talk to. She is externally motivated and needed a sounding board. Jennifer trusted the process, did her “homework” assignments to learn more about herself and the voids she needed to fill her life. Once she moved beyond the stifling barriers in her way, she found clarity and focus; two essential ingredients to survive change and transition.

Stress can be good. Something to remember is that stress is not always a bad thing. Have you ever had a project that you successfully completed by its deadline. Somehow you managed to muster up that focus and attention that were needed to do a good job. That’s good stress. That’s the pressure that motivates us.

When Paul learned that he had to put together a new presentation that is scheduled in less than a week, he felt that stress that is familiar to all of us. On top of his regular work duties and his manager being away at a conference, he pondered how he was going to be able to get everything accomplished without losing quality or substance. He buckled down. He prioritized his work load. He delegated some of his everyday tasks. He put his phone on “do not disturb.” He turned on his music and spent hours of uninterrupted time focused on the presentation.
This may not be the way we want to spend our regular work days, but it does indicate that stress can be used in a positive way. Paul’s seminar, by the way, turned out to be standing room only.

Change is necessary. It is common, and it is temporary. Vince Lombardi sums it up best by saying, “The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will.”

Link to Wall Street Journal Article

The following article is career advice about managing work and other major life priorities. In an interview with Erin White, I explain my methods of juggling a full time job with... well read the article to fine out!

http://tinyurl.com/zvvyq

Resume Blunders

So many times I have reviewed resumés only to find a typo that has not been caught by "spell check." Sometimes the mistake can be a critical one.

• Shift Manager with the F left out
• Public Speaker without the L

These errors are common and easily avoidable simply by having another pair of eyes review your document.

Sometimes a cover letter will be addressed to the person it was previously sent to instead of a new employer.

If you had one piece of advice to share with a job seeker, what would it be?

Please post your responses - especially if you have any funny resume blunders to share. I leave you with these thoughts....

• On Application: Reason for leaving last job: "Maturity leave"
• On Resume: "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details"
• On Resume: "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store"
• On Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"